And then the big day was tomorrow...

Well, tomorrow is the big day. I have thought about and prayed about this day for almost three years. And while I am not ready to say goodbye to our embryos I am SO very ready to have at least two of them freed from frozen limbo land. My lining has been great at every check up so that has been encouraging. The one downer has been that Dr K said all four embryos were grade B, and I had previously been told (by a nurse) that they were grade A. But I know that ultimately that is just a letter. They are not God. They do not know what the future holds for our little ones. So I am choosing to be steadfast in my positive outlook. It will only help and should things not be successful then I will deal with those feelings then. 

We are leaving tonight so that we can be all settled in our hotel before the transfer and then we will stay for two more nights after the transfer, mostly for my peace of mind. I know that I should really try not to lift Titus and the easiest way to do that is to not have him be around me for those first couple of days. After that, all bets are off and I'm just praying that lifting my toddler doesn't have any negative side effects. (Regular people get pregnant everyday and they lift their toddlers, right??). Also, Titus has come down with a cold and a low grade fever so I am really praying that Ryan and I don't get it. It really threw a wrench in my child care plans because my sister in law did not want to risk getting her kids sick. *insert hormonal lady panic* Thankfully my awesome mom generously offered to take the time off of work (unpaid) so that she could watch him for us. When I came out of my initial panic I could once again see that this is just another way of God showing me just how much he loves me and cares about the small details in my life. 

He is good. No matter what. I am thankful. No matter what. And I am ever hopeful that He will infact pour out grace upon grace in our lives and bless us again. 

Again. 

That is such a sweet word to me today. I am a mommy. Those four little babies were given to us by God. And infertility, in all it's ugliness, can't change those facts. Ever. So even though I feel like a lab rat that has been poked one too many times. And trust me, I want to (and sometimes do) wallow in the "why me?'s" but I know in the end it won't change anything and it certainly won't help me. So instead I must choose gratitude for the life that I do have, for the hope of little lives waiting for us tomorrow, and the knowledge of a Savior that will carry us through this no matter how it plays out.