One more sleep!

My long awaited blood test is finally tomorrow!!!  I had cramping and bloating for about  week but then that all went away.  I still have occasional crampy pangs and twinges, but that's about it.  And now I have a head cold, so its really hard to tell if I have any symptoms, and honestly any that I could have can always be explained away by the progesterone and delestrogen shots that I am on. 

I caved and took a early response pregnancy test on Friday, which would have been 8dp6dt (I think? I always get confused on the counting of days after transfer!!).  But anyway, Friday's test was SO SO faint I think I willed a line to "be" there.  Ha!  I basically called it "not negative".  Yes, I'm that crazy person creating her own name for test results, gotta do what I can to cope, right?  Ryan of course agreed there was something there, but honestly, who am I kidding?  There was no way he was going to dare disagree with me. 

Saturdays test was slightly darker, not much, but I'm taking all the small victories I can get at this point.  This mornings was the darkest so far, no guessing, the line IS there, but it's not real dark and I feel like that is not super positive given that this is one of the more sensitive tests (supposedly reading 15-25 hCG).  But I'm just trying to enjoy the fact that today, I am pregnant, and I can deal with the blood test results when I get them.  I know that my first hCG with Titus came back at a 77, which isn't real high and he's now a happy, healthy toddler.  My hCG number also didn't double in 48 hours with Titus and I had to do follow up blood work a week later.  So while I am totally realistic and realize that I could have a low number and end up with a baby that doesn't "stick", I'm still hoping and praying that I just have a late implant-er with a slow start, like Titus was. 

I can also tell that people are praying for me.  And that is a wonderful feeling.  I have peace, I know I will be bummed if I don't get to meet these babies this side of heaven, but I know that God has a plan.  I'm reading the Hiding Place, by Corrie ten Boom and it has been a great distraction and a good read so far.  One of her quotes that I just love is, "Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open."  How true, my children don't belong to me, my job is just to try and take one day at a time and be the best mama I can be for everyday that they are with me.  :)  SO MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE!!  But that is my goal and I'm trying my darnedest to stay focused on that.  I had a mini melt down on Thursday morning when I realized that my "symptoms" had been gone for more than a day.  And that was terrible, it got me nowhere, and only made me feel desperate and panicked.  So I am thankful that since then God has helped me to remain somewhat calm, because there is no way that I would be able to be calm on my own.